Ever curious what those mystical marvelous krakens are a snackin’ on? I mean they’re so flockin’ big, how do they not devour entire ecosystems? Do you really think the Titanic’s demise was caused by an iceberg? Per the name of the original iconic sunglasses that inspired this pair, Gardening with a Kraken, we have reason to believe that krakens actually have their own undersea gardens to snack on. Our human CEO and resident oddball, Stephen Lease, fell in love with a voluptuous lady octopus named Maven. He wrote her love songs from the depth of his heart, and played in her “garden”… At first when we heard his song, we thought he was just being dirty, and he probably was; but come to find out, Maven actually did have a garden, one that she tended with great care. Maven was the pioneer in octopi gardening and passed her green thumb down to her many Lease larvae. The homo sapiens’ DNA crossed with a being as supreme as Maven created an evolutionary advancement that many scientists would consider the 8th Wonder of the World.
Thanks to this unique duo, octopi have mastered the science necessary to grow a plethora of herbivorous snacks, including cheesy puffs, sea anemone gummy bites, and for those looking for a more natural diet, they’ve reimagined the sea cucumber. Sea cucumbers now come in 52 delicious flavors, ranging from buttered popcorn, smoked salmon supreme, to wicked watermelon, with zero artificial flavors or sweeteners!
When not eating from their perfectly maintained gardens, krakens enjoy picking pirates off of ships and slurping them down like flesh popsicles. First by peeling off the disgusting tough to digest clothing, and then sucking off one layer at a time— skin, nervous system, muscles, down to the bone. They don’t waste a morsel; the bones are pulverized and used as a manure for their sea cucumber crop.
Alright, maybe we got a little too graphic there. But what’s not too graphic are the beastie tentacles printed on the arms of these polarized shades. Pop these suckers on and get kraken!
Note: When we say “suckers” we don’t actually mean they suck your face. However, if you try to wear them on a bumpy roller coaster ride, or during a trail run, you will be impressed with their no slip grip!