4th of July BBQ Necessities:

Forget your red/white/blue themed Pinterest board…that three-layer cake with strawberry stripes and blueberry star spangled mess never turns out like Martha Stewart’s…we’ve got your 4th of July essentials right here.

1. Plenty of dogs to throw on the grill…and a few tofurkey ones for your cousin Katie who came back from year one at Berkeley and is now vegan.

2 American flag koozies to keep those cold ones cold in that suffocating July heat.

3. All the pool toys — and don’t forget that  XL flamingo floatie! (No pool? Try a Slip ‘n Slide. Yep, they still exist.)

4. Your Aunt Beth’s potato salad. It’s really not that great, but you have been obligingly “enjoying” it for the last 10 years, so why break tradition?

5. SPF 100. Let’s be serious, though, you are going to forget to apply and you are going to endure your worst sunburn of the year as you always do on July 4th.

6. Your Mom’s secret punch recipe.

7. Illegal fireworks.  Okay, we don’t condone doing anything illegal, but, sparklers are for babies, and those snake things that don’t even have a flame are just, lame. So, head to Wyoming and pick up some real fireworks. You won’t regret it. (DISCLAIMER: goodr is not responsible for anything. Ever. Thank you.)

8. Red, White, & Booze shades! Perfect for disguising every eye roll you will inevitably make when Uncle Bill makes uncle joke after uncle joke throughout the family affair! An uncle joke is much like a dad joke, except typically fewer puns and more cringeworthy/inappropriate subject matters.