POOL PARTY PREGAME (Or: HOW NOT TO DO VEGAS)

  1. Wake up at 9 a.m. after having rolled in from the club as the sun rose.
  2. Pack up a six pack of room-temp beers (from your liquor store run with your rideshare from the airport yesterday).
  3. Go to the pool. No one else is there. The music is soft rock.
  4.  Drink five of the beers.
  5. Pass out.
  6. Wake up to your friends (who woke up at 1 p.m.) offering you a $25 pina colada in a yard glass. The music is bumping club vibes.
  7. Drink pina colada yard drink.
  8. Dive ass-first into the pool (colloquially known as a cannonball)
  9. Get reprimanded by the lifeguard.
  10. Order another pina colada yard drink.
  11. Order a hamburger and fries which you destroy 3/4 of in 3 min flat.
  12. Shotgun last beer.
  13. Pass out again.
  14. Wake up cold. Your friends are gone. The music is off.
  15. Finish hamburger and fries.
  16. Check time. It’s 6:11 p.m. Your phone is at 5%.
  17. Text from friends. Meet in the lobby at 6:30 for dinner before the show.
  18. Stumble into a casino in your bathing suit. Get asked to cover up.
  19. Order a red bull at the casino bar. $9.
  20. Chug red bull.
  21. Get to the room at 6:29 because that’s how long it takes to get to your room in Vegas.
  22.  Your phone dies.
  23. Pass out or rally. It’s up to you.