It’s the night before your race, a day you’ve been training for. You go to bed early so that you can be well-rested. This way you won’t bonk out on your run. Hours pass, you toss and turn in bed. It’s now 1 a.m. and you’re still not sleeping.
Instead of resting, your mind has gone down a black hole both figuratively and literally as you think about space. What would it be like to be an astronaut? What are the most valued items that you would have to take to space with you? That leads you to your next thought: are astronauts allowed to drink wine!? You need to know. You google it… Aldrin drank wine in space! How cool would it be if you could drink wine in space? You now discover alcohol is no longer allowed in space. That settles it, you’re never going to space. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. That’s your 4 a.m. alarm. You did fall asleep, though it barely feels like you slept a wink.
It’s now 7 a.m. and the starting gun fires. You take off running. You got this. Actually, you don’t, but there’s a solution for that — music! Why is it playing out loud through your phone speaker…oh. You forgot to charge your headphones. So here you are, stuck with your own thoughts again. And you’re not gonna be that person who plays their race music aloud on their phone. (If you’re that person already, please consider this a PSA).
This is gonna be a long race.
You start to rethink how you couldn’t sleep last night and how mad you still are about that. You start to think about space wine again. Wasn’t there a song about space wine?
Yeah, it was Elton John! It’s now three hours into the race and you’re exhausted but the end is in sight. You’ve officially gone mad and rewritten the lyrics to Rocketman because you couldn’t remember the real ones, and all you knew was some line about missing his wine.
“I miss the earth so much I miss my wine
There’s no drinking out in space
it’s a prohibition flight
And I think it’s gonna be a dry dry time
‘Till touchdown brings me a glass of wine
I’m not the man they think don’t drink at all
Oh no no no I’m a Merlot man
Merlot man drinking up his stock of wine alone”
You cross the finish line at 10: 59 a.m. You’ve mentally distracted yourself and you have successfully finished, not to mention you’ve got a new PR!!! And, you know just how to celebrate — bring on the red wine!