Sung to the tune of David Bowie’s Space Oddity**

Ground Control to Major Carl
Ground Control to Major Carl
Drink your protein shake and put your compression shorts on
Ground Control to Major Carl (six, six, six, six, six)
Commencing trail run, new shoes on (six, six, six)
Check your hydration belt and may dog’s love be with you (six, six, liftoff)

This is Ground Control to Major Carl
You’ve really worn some shades
And the bloggers want to know whose frames you wear
Now it’s time to leave the garage if you dare

This is Major Carl to Ground Control
I’m stepping through the door
And I’m floating in a most peculiar way
And the sun looks very different today
For here
Am I running down the sidewalk
Far above the pavement
My glasses are tinted  purplish-blue
And I need an ice cold brew

Though I’m only past one mile
I’m feeling very still
And I think my activity tracker knows which way to go
Tell my domestic life partner I love her very much, she/he/them knows

Ground Control to Major Carl
Your iphone’s dead, there’s something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Carl?
Can you hear me, Major Carl?
Can you hear me, Major Carl?

Can you Heeeeeearrrr am I running with a reflective vest
Far above the pavement
My glasses are tinted purplish-blue
And I need an ice cold brew

**Carl the Flamingo wrote the music and these lyrics, which were lost in a dance battle to David Bowie himself, who then adjusted the lyrics. And the rest, as they say they say, but no one actually ever says, is history.