The donut. Some may call it America’s favorite treat. But where did it come from? The history of donuts is about as glazed and confused as it gets.
Dutch immigrants and their “oily cakes”, Russian exiles, French bakers, fossilized bits from prehistoric indigenous peoples’ settlements, its origin is a melting pot filled with gooey ganache. Quintessential Americana.
The big question: Who put the hole in the donut? We may never know for certain, but there is a mid-19th century New England ship captain, Hanson Gregory who likes to take the credit. His mom deep-fried him up some extra dank donuts for a long voyage. In the center, she put an assortment of nuts and worried that the dough would not cook through the center. As a result, she quite literally dubbed them “doughnuts.” One blustery day, Captain Hanson was at the helm trying to enjoy one of this mother’s now slightly stale but still delicious baked goods. As he went to take a bite a wave rushed the ship’s windward side. He lost his balance and needed to get both hands back on the wheel stat! Without missing a beat, he skewered his doughnut on one the the wheel’s spokes. Alas, “the first doughnut hole ever seen by mortal eyes,” he later bragged to the Boston Post.
Since discovering this great donut hack, we have fashioned a suction cup to one of those Fishers-Price classic stackable ring toys. Removed the plastic rings, and replaced them with as many of our favorite donuts that will fit. Stick it on your dash, desk, treadmill, wherever, and simply enjoy.
If looking for a further excuse to indulge in some doughy delectableness, every pair of goodr sunglasses purchased from Carl’s Anti-Resolutions line comes with a secret code to unlock a series of surefire-to-not-get-you-fit workout videos produced by CEO/Influencer Carl the Flamingo himself! Hint: This “fitness” plan involves eating lots of donuts!