That feeling when you’re at someone’s dinner table and they bust out grace. Everyone knows the words but you. The best you can do is close your eyes and mumble along. “SQUAWKWARD!” says Carl. We got you fam. Here is a Turkey Day grace that can’t be beat. Just make sure you say it while rockin’ these festive frames. Bonus pie if the whole table is wearing them.
“Tommy! Hold your sister’s hand, it’s Thanksgiving for Carl’s Sake!” Aunt Cherise scolds before she starts the family prayer:
“Heavenly bird father, please look down on us with patience and understanding,
As we take on this 40 pounder with cheese.
Because today is Turkey-feast-day, that means our stomachs are demanding,
It’s not everyday that the industrial frier agrees.
May our gullets be greased and ready,
May the buns be buttered and jellied.
May our napkins be soiled and tattered,
And our plates be filled with turkey-baster-batter.
Oh heavenly god of glutton,
In all your great wisdom of mutton.
May you let us feast in peace
And grace all this great food, but the vegetables the least.
For on this day, eternal,
The turkey rules the roost.
For its majesty is unheard of, I say
All other meats get in line!
I declare this “GIVE EM THE BIRD” day
Oh Turkey so divine.
AMEN! And thanks be to all the other gods too.”