Based on a true story

A long time ago, in a land far, far away (well, it was New Jersey, but whatever…) there was a girl that held Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell’s Overboard as the comedy bible. She could recite every line and watched until the tape wore out, (because, you know, movies used to be on tape). So you can imagine that when this girl’s employer told her the quarterly party was going to be on a boat, and that she was required to wear, “bougie Yacht attire,” she immediately headed down to Joann Fabrics and Crafts to make some magic happen. After a week of painting and sewing and gluing and cursing, the masterpiece was complete. 

She was Joanna Stayton.

A little backstory before we go any further: this girl? She’s pretty bad at golf. Yes, she played very infrequently growing up, and yes, she lacks the raw physical power of her male coworkers, but all excuses aside, she is attracted to water like a moth to a flame. No lie, she once shanked two drives into a big puddle on the side of the fairway. Not even a water hazard, just a goddamn puddle. She takes a first hole mulligans like that first drive is a warm up. 

A legend among double flamingo golfers. 

Now, back to the yacht. The music was loud, the drinks were flowing, and the costume was a bonafide hit. That boat was hers; she was Captain Ashley. The drunker they got, the more they knew Captain Ashley had to be immortalized in some way. After all, there is nothing goodr loves more than mulligans and drunk, costumed antics. So that day, they decided, Captain Ashley and her wet mulligans would live on forever in the form of these high fashion plaid beauties.