goodr G.A.M.S

Beast G.A.M.S.

By February 12, 2019 February 16th, 2019 No Comments

THE BEAST MILE

We love a world where getting caked with mud is expected and crawling under barbed wire won’t get you arrested, so…we hosted our own goodr G.A.M.S. obstacle course! Mix magic unicorn dust, a shot of fireball, two cinnamon roll pop tarts, lots of lube and a dash of teal.

THE RULES

The party of the first part shall begin the Race by consuming one-and-one-half ounce shots of  Fireball Cinnamon Whisky Liqueur, sign a contract waiving all rights in everything they own (including said party’s first born child) and throwing said contract in the air.

1

The party of the first part shall then run through four loops of the course, which such course shall be composed of eleven (11) obstacles.

2

Before starting the second (2nd), third (3rd), and fourth (4th) loop of the course, the party of the first part shall consume additional one-and-one-half ounce shots of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky Liqueur.

3

At the conclusion of the fourth (4th) loop of the course, the party of the first part shall toast a PopTart in the designated toaster provided to the party of the first part, spread grass fed butter on the toasted PopTart, and eat the toasted, buttered PopTart.

4

The party of the first part shall then complete the race by kissing the ring of the Queen of Pain, Esq, also referred to herein and hereout, as Amelia Boone.

5

Shots must be consumed before the lap is begun, within the transition area, which is the length of 55 legal sized paper contracts.

6

All competitors must wear attire appropriate for a courtroom drama.

7

Competitors who vomit before they finish the race must complete one penalty lap at the end of the race (immediately after the completion of their 4th lap). Note: Vomiting more than once during the race still requires only one penalty lap at the end.

SEE THE DEBAUCHERY FOR YOURSELF

JESSICA

TIME – 9:46

SWEENEY

TIME – 9:56